i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
