He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
