She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
That was an excessively violent trivia night
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
