somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
