apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
