The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
