watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
