Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
