I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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