On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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