Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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