I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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