This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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