dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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