She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
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When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
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Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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