We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
