He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
