if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
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