my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
