btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
