3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
please come you make the beer taste better
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
