We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
