Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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