i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
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