just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
