I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
