I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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