haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
