I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize