I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
