Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
