the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
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