Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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