You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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