I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I have post one night stand depression
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
