her facebook's as public as her vagina
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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