my vag is so smooth its legendary
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
