i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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