apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I had to cum in my sink.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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