my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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