I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
