i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
