Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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