I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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