Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
It's never too late to be topless.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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