I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
