A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
