he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
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You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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