you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
