I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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