I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
