I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
MIDGETS
????
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
