I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
