I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
