U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
