R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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