my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
