Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
