My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
