This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
