I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
