yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Your penis caused this!
I had to cum in my sink.
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