My underwear smells like fireworks.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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