Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
