porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
We left an ass print on the piano.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
She needs sedatives and a leash
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
