maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
