I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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