Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
