Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Can you bring me the toilet please
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
