i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
