Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
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having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize