I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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