You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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